For all Moms

I am sure it is applicable to dads, too. But since I am a mother, that’s the space I can speak from. 😊 I am a new mom, and just about a year into the journey (nine months of carrying my baby girl Athyasaa in my womb, and she will be four months soon), I have had some profound experiences and as always, I have the need to express them – who knows, whom it will touch? So, here I am.

The first. “How is Athyasaa doing?” Some people message me and ask me this. But the messages I really appreciate are the ones that say: “How are you doing? How is baby?” Somewhere, once you become a mother – the world starts convincing you that all that matters is your baby. As if everything you are, is now defined by your child. I don’t agree, and I most definitely don’t comply. Me, as a person, a seeker, a dreamer, as all the other roles I play – continues, as always. Being a mother is divine. And yet, by no way am I confined to it. My humble requests to moms – as much as you cherish motherhood, cherish yourself as you were, are, and will be. You are a mother. And so much more. My humble request to the world. Please ask a woman how she is, before you ask her about her child. Let her know, both matter.

The second profound realization I have had is, you can only give that which you have. I see a lot of mothers – completely sleep deprived, angry, frustrated, exhausted insisting that they will do everything for their child (even when aid is available). I am no martyr. Fortunately, we have a nanny, and Arun is a hands-on dad. I happily share duties with both, along with being Athyasaa’s primary caregiver. I rest. I do yoga. I meditate. I do things that make me happy and take immense care of my child. If as a mom, you have options of sharing responsibilities with people you trust – please do. It helps you to sustain yourself and I have come to realize, a baby picks so much more of your thoughts and feelings and staying happy and healthy through it all, is going to go a long way in creating the same emotions for your baby. There is nothing you must prove to anyone, so please, do what you must for your own wellbeing too.

The third is, to understand Athyasaa is her own person and to not impose our likes and dislikes on her. By nature, I am a solitude lover. I love being with myself, thinking, wondering upon life. I feel complete by myself and enjoy my aloneness immensely. However, it was amply clear to us within a few weeks that our baby is a totally gregarious, people’s person. She coos, she expresses, interacts with everyone who visits her. Both Arun and I have large families and several close friends. My personal preference would be to limit the in-flow of guests at our home, and so would Arun. However, seeing how much our baby enjoys people we have opened our home (and hearts) in a way we never have before. Almost every day we have people coming in, being with her, playing with her. We realized, even at about 100 days our baby has a personality and we need to nurture it. We observe her and allow her to be her own little person rather than a mere shadow of us. In fact, when people look at her and keep guessing whether she looks like Arun or me, I whisper gently, “I think she looks like Athyasaa!” Some people get it, others don’t. But as a mom, I wish for my child to find who she is and not be confined to us.

I am enjoying this phase of my life intensely and immensely and wish all of us mothers make the most of this divine blessing – without losing ourselves in the process. What say?!