I really love Silence. I use a capital S because I believe that the deepest Silence is nothing but Divinity. It is Everything. The Source. Universe. Call it what you may. I am in this constant search of that Silence and moments of absolute profoundness that it brings with it.
It begins with physical Silence for me. We live in a world where we are constantly surrounded by noise. Cars honking, notifications, non-stop chattering of people, clanking of vessels, whirring of air conditioners/ machines and whatnot! Think about it – when was the last time that you experienced one hour of absolutely no physical sound? We are so used to being in noise that it almost seems normal now. But it is not.
Early man came from Silence – forests and caves, mountains and valleys where there were no artificial sounds, just that of nature… it is the modern man who is so exposed to so much noise that it is now a part of him. My first quest is to find Silence in physical space. Honestly, with three full time staff, a father who loves talking, a husband who adores podcasts and music, a four-legged son who enjoys barking and a baby who nonstop expresses herself in squeals, babbles and shrieks – I find this only at nights when everyone sleeps. Sometimes I stay awake to just experience that absolute and complete Silence – to begin with in my physical surroundings. Ah, I just love it.
As all the sounds drown outside, I start noticing the noise in my mind. Thoughts – sometimes slow, sometimes running helter skelter. Sometimes fresh ones and sometimes repetitive loops. I listen to these. Till the time I engage with them, associate myself with them, question them or fight them – they stay. They grow. They become louder. However, when I accept them as background chatter and simply feel one with my breath, or my core, gradually I find myself in a state of thoughtlessness.
And that is where my search for profound Silence starts coming to an end. I suddenly feel rested. Still. Everything starts making sense again and I start dissolving into some depth that I cannot comprehend, but only experience. It is almost like concentric circles of energy taking me deeper and deeper within myself. Within Itself. To me this experience is the closest ones I have of God, and I yearn to experience this again, and again…
The more and more I have been experiencing this profound Silence and started centering in myself something magical has started happening. I find my within in this state even when there is noise or people around me, even when emotions are running high or I am caught in a situation I do not find appealing – the within continues to stay in that state.
I experience this often and find it soothing, protective and extremely blissful. Spiritual intimacy in the truest sense almost as if a presence is cocooning you within itself, no matter what goes on in the world outside.
And yes, sometimes even the opposite is true. Even when there is no physical sound, the within is chaotic or emotional and I feel noise even in quietude. Fortunately, this is becoming lesser and rarer, and Silence is becoming more of my nature (Or rather, I am finding my natural self again which is Silence to begin with!). However, when this does happen, I have come to realize – thinking about over-thinking, only leads to more chaotic thinking. So, I have simply started accepting that okay, today this is the way I think or feel. In that acceptance, the settling and eventually the Silence happens.
So much happens in this Silence.
I feel physically rejuvenated. Even a few minutes is like a deep long sleep. If there is any ache or pain, it simply vanishes once I dissolve. Fatigue is replaced by a feeling of vitality, and restlessness by peace. I find my body in a state of equilibrium and harmony with itself and everything around it.
Mentally, I find so much clarity. Instead of a storm of thoughts, there is just a gentle flow or not even that and it is deeply relaxing. Negative repetitive thoughts are probably one of the greatest causes of all kinds of physical and mental illness and exhaustion that we face so when you suddenly experience a clear stream versus the muddy whirlpool it is… hmm, relaxing.
I feel emotionally neutralized, or charged. Sometimes if there is some negative emotion, I find this Silence completely neutralizing it and often I find myself charged positively in this state. Peace that passeth all understanding… is not just a phrase but a Truth. Bliss, for no reason, really starts becoming dominant. Gratitude comes as naturally as breathing.
And finally, I find a spiritual grounding that my day-to-day life may not always give me. Something empty seems to fill. Something incomplete completes itself. You feel alive. really, alive the more this Silence starts accompanying you through life. It is as though every moment is more intensified. Every person you meet seems more beautiful. Every experience heightened. It’s like watching Life itself unfold on the most incredible and advanced Television set, with the most vibrant colours, and amplified sounds.
I am constantly in search of this profound Silence. If we ever meet, I wish we talk. But I also wish we simply hold hands and sit and experience Silence together. Ending with a beautiful quote by R. Arnold, “So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me for I, too, am fluent in silence.” Wishing more Silence. For you, for me, and the world. I believe that is that answer to every war we fight, outside. Or within.