A chronicle of miracles!

This is the story of miracles.

The story of an end, and a beginning.

A story about how the universe conspires to make things happen – when you have faith in something beyond.

This is my story.

For a while now, people have been asking me to write about my journey of giving birth to our baby girl, Athyasaa… but I have been too overwhelmed to do so. Somehow, they are such happy, whimsical, beautiful thoughts in my head – to pin them down, and give them a word, and sentence; a structure and a story, seems like making something surreal, real. But today, I feel like it. Perhaps, the time to tell this story has come… who knows, what it will do for you. And me. 

I have always loved babies. Their smiles, their coos, their little pink hands and feet, aha. Even as a child, I would travel far and wide to visit any cousin who had a baby at home. For hours I would cuddle them and feel like I am somehow giving the best part of me to them in that embrace. 

When Arun and I got married in 2008, it took us some time to get used to each other. Two different cultures – North and South coming together. Two different thought processes. An engineer and an author. Love had been the strongest pull to bring us together, and that kept growing us. But it took time. And having a baby was not on our mind. Getting ourselves, our relationship and our careers in place, was.

As we began to settle in, around 2012, and wondered whether our little love circle should expand, my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4, Grade 4 Brain cancer. While doctors gave up on her, my beloved spiritual guru Mahatria said a single line which literally became our anchor through the stormy seas. He said, “Your mother is a conqueror, she will fight this through.” As a family we had been following Him for a few years, and His word was stone-set for us.

Doctors gave us three months. Mahatria gave us faith and a single sentence. Led by spirituality, backed by science and carried by love – we walked one day at a time to first see mom first out of danger, and then, come alive in the most unbelievable ways! It was the first inexplicable miracle I experienced and at such close quarters, that it gives me goosebumps to even think of it. News channels covered this medical miracle and articles and books were written because she literally seemed to defy all odds and kick back into life. Faith triumphed.

The journey was intense. I remember bathing mom. Feeding her. Combing her hair. All that she would have once done for my sister Nidhi and me, we did for her. It was so purifying. However, in all of this, once again, having a child of our own didn’t seem like a priority and we did all we could to just keep the center of our world, mummy, happily sailing through life. The reward of this love was she didn’t just live, but thrived, traveled, inspired, danced, lived her purpose for a complete decade after being given three months. All of this, without a single scan or medicine! Miracle!

There is a spiritual retreat Mahatria conducts for seekers from across the globe called HDB (Higher, Deeper and Beyond) and it has been a lifeline for our entire family. I remember that HDB in 2013 so clearly when mom had just undergone a six-hour brain surgery and had been advised absolute bed rest for three months. She was not recouping well – and it was in such a situation that she said, “No matter what, I am going to do HDB!” Faith like this had to be rewarded and Mahatria asked her to come, despite my dad asking him, “Are you sure of what you are doing!” I attended it with her as a volunteer and I was astounded to see the woman who couldn’t even lift her own toothbrush just a few days ago, dance, sit for hours at end, meditate and even jog across a huge lawn with the faith she placed in her guru. Miracle! That’s what HDB meant to all of us, and our faith was constantly being rewarded by Life in the form of miracles that could not be explained by the human intelligence. Or even the medical science. Mummy went on to doing 7 HDBs after that!

In 2021, we saw that mom’s body had finally begun to give way. Our tigress seemed frail. The spirit seemed to be dimming. In one of those HDBs in Dubai, which Nidhi was attending, Mahatria said gently, “Since mummy is no longer in a physical state to come to HDB, I will come to Mumbai to your home and do it for her.” Such magnanimity! And then He added, “However, once I come, she will go…” Could this be any less of a miracle? That Life was kind enough to prepare us for the inevitable… My rational mind wondered, are such things even possible? And yet, my faith which had shown me time and again, believed, yes, it was!

It was a bittersweet feeling. To know that we would welcome the Divine to grace our home, that He would gift her with moments of deepest love, and to also accept that once that happened, she would move on. A year went by and finally the call came. Mahatria was coming to be with mummy sometime in April 2022. We felt soaked in grace and knew the time had come.

While Mahatria was at home, spontaneously, He said to me, “Megha it’s time you and Arun have a child!” While it had been somewhere at the back of my mind, He brought it to the fore. He said this with such naughtiness, that I simply giggled not knowing how else to respond!

In June 2022, as expected, an end happened. Mummy – my source of life, my life, and in so many ways the most important relationship of my life moved on from her physical body. Even with all the preparation, the moment felt like a part of me had been extracted from me. I went through the day with as much poise that I could muster – but to know that I would never hug or touch her again, never hear her voice or relate with her again felt excruciating. Like a child I kept wondering, “So now, my phone will never ring saying Mummy calling?” Death seemed too intense. Too… final.

That very night, the next miracle transpired. Everyone had finally fallen asleep, but I kept pacing around. The home felt empty. Everything seemed meaningless. I sat on her empty bed not knowing what to do with myself when suddenly I felt a presence. An energy. A white light. Felt like I was with mom. My eyes closed and she seemed to say – thank you, my beautiful daughters, for loving me so much. Mummy is no longer a person, but she is a presence. She is no longer confined to a body or a room, but she is everywhere. She will be with you in every moment and I promise, you won’t feel her absence. She seemed to caress my hair, embrace me, and tell me – I am here. Right here. Eyes open you cannot find me, eyes closed, I am never away. I cried and cried till I had no tears left, and when I opened my eyes, everything had shifted.

From that night, till date, I have cried several times for mom, but they have only been happy tears of love and gratitude – never out of pain or missing. How can I miss someone who is with me? She is as real to me as these fingers typing this story. I realized life is all about a “feeling” and I “feel”, her with me… always.

The same way, sometime in March 2023, I “felt” I have conceived. There was no reason to believe so, but I just “felt” it. I did my blood test on a Wednesday, and it was negative. Arun felt I was being silly, when I again did the blood test just two days later. He kept saying, “If it is, it is. We will find out! Why are you so adamant – don’t keep doing blood tests. It’s stressful for you (read me).” I know he was concerned but I had no clue why I just did it once again. I had been invited as a chief guest to Taj Lands End that evening (24th March, 2023) and was happily getting my hair spa done, when the phone pinged.

My heart was beating, because I knew it was the blood report. I opened the notification and to my utter joy, the beta hcg had risen significantly, indicating pregnancy! I was overwhelmed and just walked out and started pacing in a garden not knowing what to do with myself. I first wrote to Mahatria, and then called Arun to let him know. His response was classic. He said, “Are you sure?!” I laughed. And I cried. And spoke to my gynec and said it certainly seemed positive. I had conceived for the first time in fifteen years of being married! Miracle!

A home that had not seen a child for decades, came alive with a happy anticipation. Everyone seemed excited. My helpers, my puppy, the few family members who knew the news, and my father who started crying when I told him. Papa used to sit in the balcony in evenings listening to old songs (something he used to do with mom) and it used to sadden me to see him alone… suddenly this was replaced with him endlessly stroking my stomach, and talking to the baby as if she could listen to him even in the womb. Bliss of love, we felt it, and how!

My pregnancy was unfolding beautifully, until in one scan doctors saw some anomaly. I had been in a state of wonderment seeing the little seed develop a heartbeat, then little arms and legs and all the organs. It was nothing short of a miracle. But that scan, around week 24, when the doctor kept on running the ultrasound sensor, with a concerned look, I felt a little stressed. He came to the consulting room and told Arun and me, “I am sorry but looks like there are high chances this baby will have some physical and mental anomalies.” I was jerked and Arun too looked visibly shaken. This was a Divine baby – how could it be?

I came home and wrote to Mahatria saying, this is what the doctors are saying but I believe everything will be okay. I ended the mail with two words – probably the shortest, and most profound prayer known to our community: Sambhal Lena (you take care). I felt at ease, despite the doctors saying otherwise. They asked me to run some tests to confirm the anomaly and terminate the pregnancy if it wasn’t a normal child. I refused. I was already crazily in love with my baby and felt all would be okay. Doctors said we will then find out if all is okay, only after the baby is born. 

Arun was my rock of Gibraltar through all of this. He was convinced everything was well, and his faith in those moments soothed me. As a mother I had faith in my intent for my baby and would keep saying, it is going to be a healthy, happy, abundant baby. But each time the doctors would say things, it would concern me for a few moments, and then faith would kick back in. The two of us held onto each other, and our source of faith Mahatria as we kept moving, month after month.

The most incredible miracle through this phase was, every moment I felt carried by both Mahatria and my mother. As promised, I never felt alone. A time, when a girl most needs her mother, I felt her hug me at nights when I was restless, I felt her hold my head when I vomited, I felt her telling me, “I am there, darling!” through every scan and doctor visit. I felt cocooned in protective love by both Mahatria and my mother. 

We planned for our baby shower on 17th September, a date that seemed to mystically choose itself. It was to be a very small event with just our immediate families who were thrilled and wanted to share the happiness with us. However, destiny acted out and with some twists and turns it so happened that Mahatria graced the event. He wrote to me, “Since Sunila Bajaj is not present in form, I am going to come to represent her. Yes, your mummy is coming for the baby shower… just that she has a beard and moustache!” Every time I recall this, I spontaneously start laughing and crying.

The next miracle happened in the baby shower itself. Though I was going through my pregnancy with peace, the Truth was at the back of my mind the question was – would the child be normal? Doctors constantly said to be prepared. After the function, I had a moment with Mahatria that answered everything. I had my eyes closed in bliss and suddenly He placed a palm over my stomach and from within, the baby jumped into His hand. It was the strangest feeling ever. I knew what a kick felt like. It wasn’t a kick. I knew what normal baby movements felt like and it was none of those. It was as though she knew Him and just instantly responded to His touch. It was awe-inspiring. That moment Mahatria looked straight into my eyes and said, “Mahatria scan is done… that’s all that matters. All is well!” I felt bliss rain into every cell in my being!

11.11.2011 was the day that Mahatria had divined our spiritual path called infinitheism. It was a sacred day for all of us following Him. As destiny would have it, my 37th Week was on 11.11.2023. Doctors had told me to expect the baby anytime from 36th week, as the warranty period was over. Everyone wanted me to deliver a baby on 11th November. Of course, I did too. But it wasn’t in my control. Anything could happen, anytime. In fact, on 8th November late evening, I had such intense pain and contractions that I was sure I was in labour. The doctor asked me to immediately get admitted but something within me whispered, “It’s not time yet! Wait!” And we did and somehow it subsided.

Each hour seemed to crawl past from that day, and I wondered if 11th would happen. That’s when the next miracle happened! Through some unbelievable interventions and what I want to believe is sheer destiny our angel Athyasaa came into this beautiful world on 11.11.2023, at 11.24 am. Everyone rejoiced. Miracle baby! Divine Baby! She was finally here! And on a day that had such sacred connotations for us all! It also happened to be choti Diwali – so my entire family rejoiced that Laxmi had graced us.

The only song that comes close to doing justice to what I felt, when I first saw her is this, by Savage Garden:

Maybe its intuition

Some things you just don’t question…

I know that it might sound more than a little crazy, but I believe…

I knew I loved you,

Before I met you.

I think I dreamed you into life…

The same doctors who said they suspect anomalies and even retardation, told me, the way this one-day old baby responds is a miracle. She looked straight into the eyes of anyone who visited her and followed people with her eyes, something only a three-month baby does, and not one who is few hours old. Miracle!

I used to write articles with a girl character called Athaysaa eleven years before and we were sure we would keep that name if it was a girl baby. It means excited to be alive, eager to learn and someone who is a wonderer of life. Athyasaa is everything we ever dreamt of, and more. The last two and half months with her have been about watching a dream come to life, right before our eyes. A beginning, like no other beginning!

These are just some of the miracles that I can write of. There were many more which words cannot do justice to, and some too intimate to share. But what I can share is this. A reiteration to the words of the great scientist Albert Einstein. You either live a life where nothing seems to be a miracle, or one, where everything seems to be a miracle. 

The more you think of miracles, the more you attract them. The more you expect them, the more you find them. The more you believe in them, the more of them unfold in your life. Why would any of us live a life that is only about routine, days, nights, struggles, deadlines – when we are designed to think, feel and believe that life, and we ourselves, are nothing short of a miracle.

I end, where I began. With just an add-on.

This is the story of miracles.

The story of an end, and a beginning.

A story about how the universe conspires to make things happen – when you have faith in something beyond.

This is my story.

Together, let’s attract many more miracles and let the world know, a life of wonderment, bliss of love, and possibilities beyond human comprehension… exists.