As John Legend crooned this song on Youtube, for reasons inexplicable, I became still. It was just a regular morning – packed with meetings and things to do and I had put some songs in the background to get me kick-started. As this song began, I just sat. Unable to move. It simply held me with its lyrics and once done, I was moved to tears. There was too much going on within me, and I needed space to allow it.
The next meeting was an hour later. Good. I put my phone on silent and allowed everything to just flow. I watched as thoughts came together, emotions arose, and today, almost a week later, I am finally putting it in words.
I realized; it can only be called love only if I can love all of someone.
With their beauty, and the ugliness.
With their selflessness, tinged with selfishness.
Their wisdom, and silliness.
In their great days, bad days and most definitely, worst days.
Love could only be called when I could love a person as a whole and not pick and choose parts which I was okay with, and parts I wanted to drop. That was mere convenience.
I realized, so often we are in love with our idea of a person rather than who they are. Ever experienced this? You fall in love with someone and form certain ideas and definitions about them. He is so caring. She is so blissful. He is kind. She is loving. And so on. We love these aspects of them so much, that it starts becoming our very icon of them. Things go great till they live up to this – but that one day, when someone you believe is caring does something that isn’t that caring, everything falls apart. And you find yourself disillusioned.
I realized; love is all encompassing. You see a person as a whole, as a sum of all the parts, and love everything about them. Parts which you can’t love, you at least learn to accept with a grin.
We see relationships around us which fall apart. Some which survive. And very few which seem to be thriving. Where you see a very real, very beautiful love pulsating between two people that has stood the tests of time, it creates magic. I believe this happens only when one or both have learnt to see each other as a whole, a sum of all parts, and made their peace with it.
I reflected on my own relationships. Every time there had been a struggle, it was because either the other wasn’t accepting me as I was (not in my control), or I wasn’t accepting them as they are (completely in my control). The moment that tension eased, the relationship flowed, and magic unfolded.
I realized I wanted to grow in my love for people. Begin with my little world of immediate family, friends, team and extend it…
I am observing myself as I am learning to smile at the lesser side of someone, without letting it perturb me.
I am observing myself, as I am seeing people around me as a whole – and not fragmented parts I wish to see.
I am observing myself, as my judgments of people are lessening.
Suddenly people seem so open-ended. So colorful. Not defined by my narrow perceptions. So, whole.
I am growing in love with love.
And somehow, the greatest beneficiary seems to be me. The days are becoming more peaceful, happier, magical because I am in no hurry to label people or to stress if they don’t fit my labels. People are beautiful, ugly, complex, simple, cute, crazy and everything in between. Just like me.
Ah, such freedom! To think a world struggling with relationships, could just start living this one Truth: see people a whole. What a difference it would make!